And so here I am - older than my mother was when she married my father and still ordering takeout and letting my laundry pile up until it overflows. I can’t remember a goddamn thing about history, geography, or calculus, but I could give seminars on the art of interpreting the passive aggressive text message. Maybe I’ll quit my job and write children’s books: Who’s Paying For Dinner? and Are You My Fuck Buddy? and Oh, The Places You Won’t Go Because You’re Still Paying Student Loans.

This is the thing: When you hit 28 or 30, everything begins to divide. You can see very clearly two kinds of people. On one side, people who have used their 20s to learn and grow, to find … themselves and their dreams, people who know what works and what doesn’t, who have pushed through to become real live adults. Then there’s the other kind, who are hanging onto college, or high school even, with all their might. They’ve stayed in jobs they hate, because they’re too scared to get another one. They’ve stayed with men or women who are good but not great, because they don’t want to be lonely. … they mean to develop intimate friendships, they mean to stop drinking like life is one big frat party. But they don’t do those things, so they live in an extended adolescence, no closer to adulthood than when they graduated.

Don’t be like that. Don’t get stuck. Move, travel, take a class, take a risk. There is a season for wildness and a season for settledness, and this is neither. This season is about becoming. Don’t lose yourself at happy hour, but don’t lose yourself on the corporate ladder either. Stop every once in a while and go out to coffee or climb in bed with your journal.

Ask yourself some good questions like: “Am I proud of the life I’m living? What have I tried this month? … Do the people I’m spending time with give me life, or make me feel small? Is there any brokenness in my life that’s keeping me from moving forward?”

Now is your time. Walk closely with people you love, and with people who believe … life is a grand adventure. Don’t get stuck in the past, and don’t try to fast-forward yourself into a future you haven’t yet earned. Give today all the love and intensity and courage you can, and keep traveling honestly along life’s path.

My ability to turn good news into anxiety is rivaled only by my ability to turn anxiety into chin acne.

bobby burgess. journal excerpt. october 4, 2003.
i said, hi. i said, i can’t be with you. i said, i’m here for you as always, but not like a lovesick cat swirling around your ankles anymore, begging to be rubbed. i said, you’ll have to approach me for my company. i said, if you’re interested in me, show me. i said, i won’t badger you every wednesday with “so, are you ready yet? what’s going on? let’s talk about us!” i said, i won’t feel around in the dark anymore for what you need and what you mean. i said, figure it out and tell me. i said, i’m not going to board a plane every time i want to be close to you. i said, come to me when you think you’re capable of being in a relationship, close or far, and come to me without subtlety.